why don't we
(Christians)
ask the hard questions?
talk about hard things?
admit hard things?
Happy Thanksgiving!
--a poem
the day before Thanksgiving Day,
my uncle blew his Brains Away.
Happy Thanksgiving.
--kumiko
last night the girls in my room
were joking about suicide, giggling about
how much better it would be
to go to heaven right now.
they didn't want to study.
i hid in my bunk
and pulled down a secret picture of my pastor
that stays hidden between
Christopher Marlowe and Arthur Miller.
my pastor didn't think suicide was a joke.
he thought it was serious.
and now he is gone.
and that is hard.
i thought of my grandma
who lived with us
until i was eight.
and then she
overdosed.
on purpose.
and now she is gone.
and not to heaven.
and that is hard.
my uncle.
the one in the poem.
was a chaplain.
was a friend.
used a gun.
and now he is gone.
and that is hard.
a girl at school last week.
her daddy killed himself, too.
and i'm praying for her.
a lot.
three of those
now gone people
were godly.
respected.
and no one ever suspected.
why?
because
there are some things
we do not
can not
talk about.
some things that are never said.
and those things.
can kill a person.
what things are those?
things that hurt.
things that hurt so deep,
you are afraid to know
that you're the one who thought them up.
and you don't have an answer.
and you can't admit to the
smug-smiling
pew-person next to you.
because you don't know him.
so you keep it inside.
because you're taught
that Christians are supposed to have
all the answers.
but you don't have an answer.
and you don't know that
nobody answers hard questions but God.
and if you can't answer those questions yourself,
and quote three verses about it, too,
then you are not a good Christian
or if you hurt so much
that you happen to lie awake at night
and scream at the ceiling
that there can't be a God,
then you can't be a good Christian.
because good Christians don't ask questions don't feel pain this bad don't doubt.Posted by stephanie at November 4, 2003 03:21 PM